News of surrogacy option used by Karan Johar to become a single parent allowed me to generate an intense debate on social media, as such a surrogacy causes interesting conflict between two fundamental human rights, a single adult’s right to parenthood vs. Child’s right to have (both) parents.
As the debate raged, I saw that general consensus was that Mr. Johar is rich (and possibly a caring dad); so his children would have a good life, hence there is no harm if he uses technology that ends up squashing children’s rights to have a natural mother.
I must admit that a lot of these opinions were from a faulty logic of mixing it with orphan adaption without grasping that surrogacy is a deliberate choice; but, for me, it also show that a surprising number of people today are comfortable with an idea that is almost like treading one’s mother for a good life of a rich dad’s kid.
After failing to convince a young woman that natural mother is a necessity and not a perk replaceable by nanny/money and learning from a young man that mothers are overhyped, I see a dire need to reinstate the depleting brand of mother.
Mother is not an inert container where sperm and eggs are mixed to form a baby. A baby grows within her as a part of her body and mind. Both remain connected forever because what ties them together is an indelible chemical bond.
For the baby, mother is an existential need so she is hardwired in baby’s old brain using raw language of chemistry. What makes it worse is, this chemical bond formation is like a sticking of an adhesive tape. You can do it only once, that too only during a specific period. There is no replacement or re-formation of bond possible.
So, surrogacy surely brings joy of parenthood in life of KJo, but it is also leads to forced-separation of his children from a natural mother they must have been bonded-to chemically; so, there is need to recognize and evaluate the situation in terms of what is gained and what is lost.
I must admit that surrogacy is too recent to have any conclusive research about its positive or negative impact on babies born of it. It is entirely possible that love, care and affluence of one parent can more than compensate for ripping of the mother-child bond. But, it surely requires more rigorous questioning as children separated from mother at birth show a noticeably increased tendency to develop fear and insecurity disorders and relationship problems.
Though surrogacy surely needs a debate, what requires even more serious attention is developing perception about something as superficial as being-rich as more-that-equivalent to having a mother. This is purely because we are developing a strange obsession for freedom of choice of an individual.
As technology has started allowing us to violate natural boundaries, we are now in a dangerous zone. As we rush for purchasing options otherwise denied by nature using technology/money, we are trying to justify them as freedom of choice of those denied, but we are forgetting that nature is not as mean as we are trying to imagine it to be, because it as already provided us with another remedy, another choice worth looking at.
Humans are gifted with a rare ability to love perfect strangers. Love can get you anything, even a mother or a brother that you don’t have. Pleasures of parenthood may be denied to someone by fate or biology, but purchasing them using money is not really required.
Love any child and pleasures of parenthood are thrown in free by nature. There is no technology needed, nor any money. Just a loving heart would get you all you want, provided you believe in power of love over money.